Never coming back

It's not the first time I've written about my troubles, and now as then quite a few people would post comments along the lines:

"Your church is so cruel to make you feel like that, who are they to judge you, forget about them, who needs church or god?"

or

"Our church wouldn't be so bad to you, come join us"

Being honest, I have thought about leaving numerous times, there was even a time about three years ago when I gave up on myself, I gave up on my ability to live up to gods expectations for me. That was the first step to my downfall. I've made more mistakes in those few years than I've ever made and hopefully ever likely to make. I undid much of the good I had done up to that point.


Leaving the church to live a worldly life, if you have so much as an ember of a testimony remaining is not a recipe for happiness. You will always come back, and when you do, your choices during that time will haunt you. If you want to leave, you had better make sure that you have no testimony left, or that you never had one in the first place, otherwise that happiness you left to find will forever remain elusive.

I tried walking away, misery and living death was the result. How can you turn your back on something that you know in your being to be true? I don't have the companionship of the holy ghost now, but I used to, I've felt his presence and spoken to me, spirit to spirit.
 
Despite the high standards the church has, the guilt and shame of me not meeting them, it doesn't change the fact of what I know. Why should I blame the church, and the imperfect people in it for my own failures?

Why stay if it hurts? This pain will only be temporary, it's the medicine for my illness. If I leave the misery will grow, like an untended wound until I am overcome by it.

Pain, like guilt isn't pleasant, but sometimes it's a sign of good things.